同等學力英語作文批改：第100期

　　同等學力英語作文原文

　　My View on Reform of Medical Care in China

　　No one can deny the fact that medical care in China is a serious problem with which we are confronted. First, the medical costs always have an unreasonable price. Secondly, seeing a doctor has become a hard thing for social members. It will be taken much time to treat even if an indisposition, like catching a cold.

　　A number of factors account for these problem, but the leading reason might be poor supervision and law enforcement. The medicine for suffers is expensive but not cheaper and useful because the medical manufacturer associate with the hospital. But the statute does not effectively set up and to forbad the phenomenon. Besides, resource of medical is lopsided accordingly the excellent doctor and the fine equipment are concentrated in the several hospitals. And there are many sufferers for each department in these hospitals, so that everyone must waiting and waiting.

　　In view of the seriousness of this problem, effective systems must be taken before things get worse. It is essential that laws and regulations be worked out and enforced to ban the allied. The hospital should not profit from the medicine. In addition, medical resources should achieve a balance.

　　點評：7-8分

　　文章結構比較合理，但是內容上有不盡合理之處。尤其是語言表達方面存在有很大的問題，且第三段語言非常流暢沒有任何問題，可是段和第二段卻出現很多問題，會讓文章出現斷層，不連貫，一看就知道最后一段是套用的模板。今后寫作中要把模板的東西變成自己的，使文章前后要一致，連貫，有邏輯，所以在自己補充文章的，第二段的時候要特別注意語言運用。課后多看看范文，加油啊。